Story told by Caroline Schleappi, The "Columbus Doula"
From OhioShe has 2 children
Her children are 4 and 16 months years old
I am the mother of two children - a boy who is 4 and a girl who is 16 months. While I was pregnant with my first child, I planned on exclusively breastfeeding. However after a 38-hour labor resulting in a C-Section, I was physically and mentally exhausted. Although I had told the nurses my wishes for feeding the baby, he was frequently given bottles of formula because I was sleeping or because the nurses felt he wasn’t getting enough while on the breast.
We came home 6 days later with hospital grade breast pump and “a plan”. I was to breastfeed and pump. He was to be supplemented with breast milk and formula until my production was up and running. For a couple of days he maintained his weight, but gradually he began to loose weight. We met with lactation consultants and our pediatrician (the specialists). It was determined that I wasn’t producing enough milk and I needed to be on a rigid plan to increase the supply. I was to feed – then pump – then feed him a bottle (which was usually formula, as I was only able to pump 4 to 5 ounces per day). I did this for a week and his weight was still a problem. We once again evaluated our problem with the specialists. The plan was then slightly augmented and I began taking herbal supplements to increase my supply. After taking the supplements for about a week, the amount I was able to pump was actually decreasing and needed I was feeding my son more and more formula.
I went to the specialists in tears. I felt like a feeding machine. Most of my waking hours were spent feeding or trying to feed my baby. At that point I had a moderate case of postpartum depression and I was absolutely exhausted. The lactation consultant listened with concern. She weighed my baby and then had me breastfeed him. She weighed him again and the scale showed no weight gain. I then pumped captured less than ½ ounce. She then told me it was “ok to let go” and “make the best choice for me and my baby”. I had spent countless hours trying to feed my son… many hours talking to specialists and researching the options… spent over $2,000 on pumps, medications and consultations. I went home with a new plan – stop pumping, reduce breast”feeding” and increase bottle-feeding until my son was exclusively bottle-feeding in 7 days. I felt like a failure, but was looking forward to a new chapter in my motherhood journey. A chapter where I could bond with my baby (rather than resent him).
Three days later, when my son was 5 ½ weeks old, my breasts were empty. I was done. I called the lactation consultant and she wasn’t surprised. She then shared why she felt I had such a difficult time feeding – “It could have been your Greave’s Disease (hyperthyroidism) or your traumatic birth (baby posterior, many interventions, 4 hours of pushing, 3 attempts of using the vacuum extractor, C-Section).” If she had shared this with me in previous conversations, maybe I wouldn’t have beaten myself up over this. Maybe I would have chosen to make things easier for myself sooner.
My son did great with bottle-feeding. We had our ups – better sleeping habits, increased mother/baby bonding and weight gain. And downs – lots of spit up, thrush and ear infections. He was gradually taken off the bottle at 12 months.
When I was pregnant with my daughter I started lactating in my 6th month. I was thrilled and thought this postpartum period would be different. Throughout my pregnancy my biggest concern was a repeat of my previous postpartum outcome (severe case of baby blues). My daughter was born after an easy labor resulting from a VBAC (vaginal birth after C-Section). She spent her first 48 hours on the breast – to eat, comfort and bond. At discharge (48 hours after birth), she had lost 15% of her birth weight – making her 5 pounds 15 ounces. Like with my son, we went home with a feeding plan. I was to have her on the breast as much as possible and pump every 4 hours. Four days later, she was 5 pounds 12 ounces. I then needed to expand the plan to include formula supplements.
When she was 2 ½ weeks old we met with a lactation consultant. She weighed my daughter, I fed her and the consultant weighed her again. My daughter’s weight gain from the feeding was scant. The consultant felt that history was going to repeat itself. After reviewing my history and doing a thorough breast exam she was very up front about the reasons she thought I was having these problems – history of low supply, hypothyroidism, flaccid breasts and under-developed breast tissue. I knew I didn’t want to go through the emotional difficulties that I had with my first child… so my daughter continued to be on the breast for 1 more week (mostly for my comfort – to provide more time for bonding) while I supplemented with formula. My daughter began exclusively bottle-feeding at 3 ½ weeks. By 4 weeks she weighed 8 pounds! My daughter is a bottle pro – no thrush, she has not had an ear infection and she is in the 95% for weight.
This is my story as a mother…. In addition to being a mom, I am a Labor Doula, Postpartum Doula, Childbirth Educator and Happiest Baby On The Block Educator. I have helped many women initiate breastfeeding and supported families during nursing challenges. I have provided breastfeeding education. All of my certifying organizations focus on breastfeeding support and provide “fixes” to breastfeeding problems.
As I began bottle-feeding, I did not feel like I had someone or a group to turn to for reassurance and support. Most of my friends seemed disappointed and it seemed they thought I didn’t try hard enough to breastfeed. My feelings of guilt and inadequacy surfaced almost daily – as my family, friends and collogues questioned me about my choices for bottle-feeding.
I finally realized that bottle-feeding my children deserves the respect and support that is out there for breastfeeding families. As a doula I tell my clients that I will provide evidence-based education (pros & cons) on a topic and then they need to make a choice. I will then support them in their choice 100%… I will stand with them in their decision to ensure they feel empowered in their choice. I needed someone to “doula” or support me through my decision to bottle-feed. It would have been so nice to talk with other families about my feelings and get advice about some of the issues we were having.
Thank God for websites like these where we can share our stories and support other women!
- The "Columbus Doula"



