C. F.

I've been nursing my son for 2 years and 10 months now. This has been such a rewarding blessing in the relationship between the two of us.

While pregnant, I read about the benefits of nursing and it sounded like such a wonderful thing for both mom and baby that I was determined to try it. I'd never known, seen, or heard of anybody I knew who had breastfed, but the literature was very compelling. Some of the appeal to me:
- nutrition for the baby
- boosting baby's immunity
- mother/baby bonding
- how natural it is

Learning to breastfeed was difficult and painful, particularly the first few weeks. My son and I were both frustrated. I'm sure he was hungry and ooooooh was I sore (and cracked and bleeding). But I'm so glad we didn't give up, because over time, I healed and *both* my son and I dramatically improved our techniques. A fantastic resource for us was the lactation support services at our hospital. I took a breastfeeding class from them while pregnant, and they encouraged us to call or visit with questions when the time came. I didn't think I would really take them up on it, but they turned out to be exactly what I needed, especially their breastfeeding support group. Sitting there in a circle with other moms and babies all going through the same thing was incredibly helpful and incredibly satisfying. At home with my extended family (which includes nobody who has ever breastfed), I definitely did not have the bond or support or understanding I so desperately needed. And in that circle, WOW was it ever a relief to just let go of the modesty and flat out talk about our bodies and our struggles and how to work our way through this steep learning curve with folks who could relate. (By the way, one of the most fortunate lessons I happened to pick up in this group was how to nurse lying down in bed. Thank heavens we finally figured that out. Comfort is key.)

When my grandma had children, she was told/convinced she was unable to successfully breastfeed. Based on what I've read over the years, I'm skeptical that was true. When my mom had children, breastfeeding was not the "in" trend. Formula was considered nutritionally superior. When I shared with my mom and grandma that I aimed to try breastfeeding my newborn, they initially quietly respected that choice, but every obstacle that followed brought on the telling and retelling of their experience/choice. I understand why their backgrounds led them to their conclusions, but it was nonetheless very frustrating to not be able to get support from the two of them. As a result, I think our relationships are not as open as they were. I began to feel uncomfortable sharing any concerns with them (nursing challenges, questioning sufficient weight-gain, colic), because they'd instantly begin urging me to give my baby formula. While I was not completely opposed to the idea, I really wanted to give the breastfeeding a decent shot. I knew that if I started supplementing with formula, my milk supply would likely decrease and that was the exact opposite of what I was hoping to achieve.

So when my son was 2 months, I turned elsewhere for support. I ran across a free local seminar, held weekly, for moms of babies up to 6 months. They brought in speakers each week on common topics of interest and included time each week for Q&A with a nurse and lactation consultant. While at this seminar, I met dozens of new moms going through the same things and we started meeting outside the seminar several other times per week to visit at each other's homes or parks or to go for walks, etc. We also established a private online message board (using Yahoo Groups) to support one another and this was IMMENSELY valuable to us all. We ultimately formed a lot of really close bonds and a very strong mom's group. It was a very comfortable peer group, as most of us were breastfeeding, and with babies that were 2 and 3 month olds, we spent most of our get-togethers sitting somewhere and nursing. :)

Over the subsequent months, many moms returned to the workforce. And at about 6 months, there were a handful of moms that essentially had fulfilled their planned nursing quota. Then there were a few that called it quits when teeth made an appearance and the biting commenced. (Yes, that was a challenge, but I'm so glad I didn't let it discourage me.) And 12 months was a huge cliff with the majority of remaining moms deciding that it was time to wean completely, mostly because of the input of a book or a doctor. So at 12 months, those of us in the group still nursing became a small minority. I was lucky to develop close friendships with 3 other women who continued to nurse and we got together so often, that it honestly felt completely normal to me to be nursing a toddler. Our children are now all almost 3 years old and only one of them no longer nurses and that's only because his little brother is a full-time nurser. ;)

I remember the reaction of many moms who have since learned I hadn't stopped breastfeeding at one of the "traditional"/"magic" milestones. They were the ones who assumed everybody stopped at 12 months max. They would ask when I specifically planned to stop. And some honestly were baffled when I explained that I consciously had no weaning plan or deadline. I guess in the back of my mind, I always kind of figured it would work itself out and that over time, my son would gradually nurse less and less. And in fact, that is how it happens to be going.

Over the second year, my son's nursing frequency and style changed a lot. He was on solids and we had introduced cow's milk, but he still nursed often. But he also understood me better and was cooperative and discreet when I needed him to be. I was not ashamed to nurse in public at all, but I understand that not everyone approves of nursing, much less nursing a toddler, so I definitely didn't aim to flaunt it. As part of my son's physical development, he went through a quirky phase of acrobatic newfangled nursing positions, where he'd choose to climb up me, while latched on, until he was practically upside down with his feet up in my face. We dealt with this and he learned to save this much desired position for the at-home nursings. (It was awkward and amusing to me and my husband, but now that it's over, I kinda miss it; Kids grow up too fast, it's true.) We also enjoyed many nursing sessions sitting in the car in parking lots before or after outings. When he was an infant, I invested in a handful of really comfortable nursing tank tops that made access quick and convenient and they served me quite well. As my son got older, the nursing frequency and duration decreased (all of his own volition... I never discouraged him).

I count my blessings and am ever-so-grateful that I've been fortunate enough to be a stay-at-home mom. Long before children were a realistic probability, I knew staying home with my children was my dream. I didn't know it at the time, but one of the benefits of being a stay-at-home mom turned out to be that it was relatively easy to nurse on demand. I knew many moms who worked and pumped in the bathroom during breaks and while doable for the determined, that sounds incredibly challenging. I didn't buy a pump until my son was 5 months old and only because I was worried about a falling milk supply. After a few days of use, I increased my supply, and haven't taken the pump out since. Nursing a human is soooo much more productive and gratifying than nursing a machine. :) (But yes, I acknowledge it's a luxury that not everyone can afford. Again, I am so grateful to have been in this position, and I don't take it one bit for granted.)

I am grateful for my husband's support. He hasn't pushed me towards or away from breastfeeding or extended breastfeeding. He trusts my decisions and desires. I'm especially appreciative that he does so despite some criticism from his mother.

For the past several months, my son nurses twice daily for a few minutes. He generally climbs into our bed to nurse a few minutes after waking in the morning. And the final step in his bedtime routine is a few minutes nursing on the sofa after a book. A few weeks ago he started preschool and that has disrupted our morning routine, which he doesn't mind because we're in a hurry to get out of the house to do something he looks forward to. And I have more evenings away from home these days (evening grocery runs or classes, occasional get-togethers with friends, date nights with my husband) which disrupts our evening nursing routine, but as long as I warn my son in advance that "we won't be able to have mama milk tonight", he's totally fine with it.

I am now 7 weeks pregnant with my second child. Breastfeeding has become uncomfortable, which I expected (and anxiously awaited as a sign of a healthy, viable pregnancy), but it's not unbearable. The bigger problem is that now that I'm nauseous around the clock, I frankly am not in the mood to be climbed on by a toddler. I want to sit alone, very still, and sip gingerale instead. :) But we'll see how it goes. I'm completely open to the idea of tandem nursing a toddler and a newborn if my toddler is indeed interested, but I'm not pushing in either direction.

Getting pregnant with a second child didn't go quite how I envisioned it. My son was 18 months old before I got my period back. I know it's possible to get pregnant before your period resumes, but it didn't happen for us. We stalled for a few months on trying to get pregnant after that for scheduling reasons... because I didn't want to risk being too pregnant or with too young a newborn to easily get across country to attend my only brother's wedding. When we finally got pregnant (right after my son turned 2), it didn't go well. I miscarried at 10 weeks. That was particularly hard because those who knew I was still breastfeeding and weren't especially supportive of it took this opportunity to remind me of their disapproval and their theories about the nursing/miscarriage relationship. By the way, I am absolutely convinced there was in this case no relationship between nursing and miscarriage. But it's always hard to hear disapproval and discouragement from the people you love, especially when you're already feeling down. Today we announced the pregnancy to our families and their unsolicited advice to stop nursing has begun again, this time with ammo about cultural beliefs based on "centuries of Chinese wisdom" and the bad karma and health that could ensue if we continue. Sigh. (Yknow, sometimes it's actually nice that both our families live on the other side of the country. :-)

I truly respect every mother's personal choice about whether or not to breastfeed and if so, for how long to do so. And I truly appreciate all of those who have respected our choices.

As with all parenting decisions, I believe there are *many* "right ways" to go about things. And I've also come to believe that there is enough literature and there are enough experts/advocates in the world these days that you can find both to back up just about ANY parenting belief you have, be it about breastfeeding, sleep training, discipline, what have you. The experts disagree just like friends and family and neighbors and folks you run into on the street. So you gather up the opinions you care about and do your own research and in the end, you just pick what makes sense and feels right to you. And, hey, if that doesn't work, you can change your mind and still have plenty of literature and experts to back you. This breastfeeding "journey" has definitely taught me a lot.

Summary of resources that I've really appreciated:
- the hospital lactation support service and peer support group
- the new mom's seminar (at a different local hospital) that often featured a lactation consultant as a Q&A speaker
- the mom's group that sprouted from the friendships that grew during the above seminar and continued with a flourishing message-board of online support and local get-togethers
- a supportive husband
- www.kellymom.com
- an online support group I came across that is specifically for mothers of nursing toddlers