Comments on Blog enrty "Parsing Words"

I get the feeling from this post that you have decided to be angry at me and actually dislike me, even though you do not know me. I was hoping to have a discussion, not a "pissing contest." But if you are going to *decide* that I am a bully, then I don't think I can have a reasonable discussion with you. If you would, please go back through my posts and find specific quotes where I am trying to "bully" formula-feeding moms. Also, the "whether we want to hear them or not" line seems like an attempt to use fighting words with me - because truly, if you don't want to hear them, then nobody is making you read them. You are giving me way too much power over people if you think they are being "bullied" or "forced" by me - how can I force anyone to read my opinions, when I am in another state, behind a different computer screen, not even knowing who these people are in real life?

You said: "Please hear the sarcasm in my words here...I am SOOOOO glad you are "tolerant" of my medical reasons for not being able to breastfeed. Would you like to know why I was unable to breastfeed? I had cancer 7 years ago, and the treatment left me unable to breastfeed my now 5-year-old son. Sooo glad you tolerate that. "
And now you are openly being sarcastic with me, another sign that you do not want to have a real discussion. I have not been sarcastic with you, have I? Perhaps you didn't understand what I was saying - *you* are the one who accused people here of being "intolerant of everyone else's opinions." So I was merely using the word back to you in an effort to show that I was not "intolerant." I acknowledged the fact that yes, there are reasons women cannot breastfeed - very real reasons - so maybe I should have used a stronger word than "tolerance." I probably should have said that I completely understand that there are reasons that women cannot breastfeed. I was just trying to use the word you used so that it would relate. I was certainly not trying to act like I was giving you permission or anything - of course not! There are very real issues that hinder breastfeeding, and in no way do I ever wish to make light of those cases. I should not have used the word "tolerant" there. I am sorry for the misunderstanding.

You write: "As for the implications of marketing formula in the hospitals, as a NICU nurse, (and I'm sure you know what a NICU is), we use formula everyday. We rotate the brand every month between the brands, unless a baby needs a special formulation. We give the take-home bags to our moms, and a lot of them use them to bring us the expressed breastmilk back. The bags are insulated, and are great for that. I think you need to give women more credit than you do. A take-home diaper bag is not going to change someone's mind not to breastfeed if they have made the decision to do that."
The formula given to babies in the NICU is not from the samples - it is separate. Since you are an NICU nurse, could you tell us how that formula is obtained (I am seriously asking here)? I was under the impression that it was bought by the hospital, whereas the samples were just given to the hospitals... is that accurate? I may not be right on how they get the formula for the NICU, but I do know that it is not from the bags of sample formula. But to read more about the implications of the formula samples on some breastfeeding mothers (not all, of course), see the post from Alison on that topic - it is a pretty recent one, and she pointed out how the samples do indeed cause harm to breastfeeding relationships in many instances, especially those moms who are more "on the fence" about nursing. It's not just the diaper bags - I agree, those can't do much harm at all, and in fact, I use the little freezer packs from the one I was given to keep my lunch cold, ha ha, and the little Similac logo didn't influence me in the least. It's not about the bags themselves or the ice packs - it is when the bags include actual samples of formula. But Alison explains it well enough in her post, so I will stop here on that topic.

You write, "Since you feel so strongly about pushing breastfeeding on people, I suggest you go volunteer your services for free...be a free lactation consultant for women who need it. I know around here, the lactation consultants are pretty expensive, no one donates their services. Just be prepared for some women (shock!) may not want it."
Again, the sarcasm is really not needed. I am well aware that some women may not want support from an LC. And I am actually working toward becoming a breastfeeding counselor - not a certified LC, but I am studying and have to be certified in this position and will then be able to help women who come to me with breastfeeding problems or questions - and no, I don't plan on chasing them down, but on letting them come to me of their own free will, just as people on this site are reading posts of their own free will. And it is volunteer - I will not get paid for this in any way, and in fact have had to put some of my own money into it.

I do not quite see how people can *assume* bad things about a person - calling them intolerant or bullies - but then those who were called bullies cannot say anything back without the fear of being "intolerant." Somehow it is seen as okay to call somebody an intolerant bully based on a perception of that person's intent (however wrong that perception may be)... but the person being called names and having assumptions made about her words is not permitted to say others are being "bullies" or "intolerant" to her. Again, if you can find something I have written that shows I am trying to be a bully, then please bring it to my attention... not something that you assume to be an intent to bully, but something that is clearly rude and uncalled for. And if you see something that you *feel* (not know, but feel) is an intent on my part to bully somebody, then you can ask me rather than accusing me - something along the lines of, "That sounded like you are saying x, which isn't very kind. Could you please clarify?"

I would also really like clarification on this statement you made: "We also get that you feel that your freedoms are different from those of us who chose - for whatever reason - to formula feed." I still don't understand what this is supposed to mean or what it is in reference to... how have I shown that I think my freedoms are different from yours?

I am really trying to be civil and not get emotional here - I am just trying to have a debate, which is allowed on this forum. I have said it before - I am truly not trying to be mean to anyone here, and it is unfortunate that some people will not take me at my word. I believe what others here claim about themselves, and I am also trying to be factual and attempting to debate the issue - I am not out to bully anyone. And if anyone chooses not to believe me, then I cannot force them. All I can do is try to communicate.