Do I Have to Breastfeed To Be A Good Mom?
by Barbara Dehn - 05th July 2007
I was having dinner with a friend of mine this weekend. She is newly pregnant and glowing. She and her husband are excited about meeting their new baby and have been picking out names. We talked about different strollers, whether to use a rocker or a glider, the benefits of co-sleepers or bassinets and lots of other decisions that they are making.
She confided in me that she really didn’t want to breastfeed and wanted to know if I thought it meant that she wasn't going to be a good mother. She could rattle off all the benefits to the baby and knows a surprising amount about the research about breast milk being the best nutritional choice. She is truly a well informed, educated woman, and yet she still doesn’t want to breastfeed. Her reasons were her reasons. As I explored with her some of her feelings, it was clear to me that there wasn’t any barrier that I could overcome with coaching, support or even more information. I tried, but couldn't educate her any more. She had made up her own mind. And you know what, I didn't agree with her choice, but I had to respect her right to make her own choice. Because at the end of the day, she’s the expert for her own body and her own baby.
She said that when people talk about breastfeeding to her, the implication is that if you don’t breastfeed, that somehow, you’re not a good mom. And that breastfeeding was the yardstick that people use to judge whether you’re going to be a good mom or not.
I remember when women were judged on whether they used epidurals during labor, and the implication was that using pain relief was somehow a signal of less love and concern for the baby's health. I think some people make the same assumptions about a mother's choice about the best was to feed a baby, and that their way is the only way a good mother would decide.
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