Tantrums-Solutions

My friend, Mary Beth, is a 2nd grade teacher and has twins. She talks 
about the importance of remembering the long term consequences of 
short term decisions. This really applies when it comes to tantrums.  
Give in early to a child with tantrums, and you can
plan to give in often and for the rest of your child's 
life.  In effect, when you give in, you give away all your power as a 
parent. I don't mean that you should be an angry dictator to your 
children.  Aim to be a calm, cool, collected parent who knows that their 
child hasn't read the memo.  They know that their child doesn't know 
that it's not OK to throw yourself down in the middle of the Target 
aisle because they have to have what they want, when they want it.  
Nobody wants to raise a diva.  I mean come on, just watch Bridezillas 
and you get an idea of what happens later on in life.

As much as children communicate that they want to be "The Boss of 
You," they really don't.  They want to know that you're in control 
and you'll keep them on the path of a happy, secure childhood safely.

Here's some ideas:

• If your child is tired, cranky and hungry, don't set them up for a 
tantrum, maybe skip that last errand.
• If a tantrum starts in a store and they are in a position where you 
can safely pick them up, then pick them up and take them back to the 
car and back home.
• If  a child is on the floor looking more like an out of control 
martial arts master, then make sure they can't hurt themselves on any 
sharp objects and ignore the behavior
• Step to the side and ignore the behavior.

When the tantrum is finished, very calmly and quietly say something 
like this. "I can see that you were very upset, frustrated, angry, but 
that's not how we act when we don't get what we want. I want you to 
use your big girl/boy voice to ask for what you want.  I can't hear 
you when you scream."  Then whatever you do, DO NOT give them what 
they wanted before the tantrum.

In the moment, it’s easier not to follow through with requests, but 
without follow through, children learn that they can walk all over 
you. Mary Beth says that people think that she just got lucky with 2 
“easy kids” who didn’t need much discipline.  Yea, sure, don’t we 
all wish it was effortless. The truth is, it’s hard work, and if 
you’re struggling, pick up a book, talk to a friend who seems to 
parent the way you like, or talk to a professional.

It’s the same principle behind helping children learn how to use their 
“inside voice” instead of screeches and ear piercing screams to get 
what they desire.  I’ve often whispered and said, “I can’t hear you 
when it’s this loud, try a whisper….oh, now I can hear you.”  One 
thing I’ve learned is the quieter and calmer that you are, the quieter 
and calmer the children will be.