Tantrums

     I was talking to a mom, Jenn (not her real name)  the other day, who’s 
struggling with her 9 year old daughter’s tantrums and she said, “I 
didn’t know….that by when I thought I was being a good mom and gave in 
to her when she was younger that now she’d be defiant and out of 
control.  I was just trying to be a good mom.”
      I bring this up, because an ounce of prevention can change your life 
and make things so much easier in the long run. Parenting isn’t easy. 
And what preparation do any of us have?  Maybe we were lucky with 
great role models, maybe not. How many people take classes in child 
development? Here's a confession.  I took classes in child 
development, I even taught it for a semester before I had my own 
child. I worked in pediatrics and pediatric intensive care for 8 
years, and yet when I became a mom, I quickly realized that I didn’t 
know much.  It was a steep learning curve.  I was learning how to 
become a mother and how to parent. Yes, it was a steep learning curve. 
And if you're reading this, you know what I mean.  If it weren’t for 
my friend, Beth, a pediatric nurse practitioner, and the parenting 
classes I went to I shudder to think about where I’d be right now with 
a teenager.
     Jenn wanted to get to the root of the issues, so we started talking 
about boundaries and how simple things like helping a 7 month old 
learn that when they throw food off the high chair, that it means that 
the meal is over.  A simple reminder, “Sweetie, we don’t throw food, 
ok, we’re done,” followed by clearing away the meal and putting them 
down is setting gentle, and firm limits.  It also helps the baby feel 
more secure because they have boundaries for what is and isn’t 
acceptable.
     Tantrums are a normal part of a child's development. A child isn't 
being bad when they have a tantrum.  They are expressing themselves. 
But the KEY here is HOW we as parents choose to react to the tantrum.  
If you choose to scream right back at them, well, things are going to 
get out of control very quickly.  If you give in to their demands, the 
demands will escalate  and pretty soon, you will be broke and you will 
be living in Jenn's world, with a 9 year old who sneers at her mom and 
does whatever she likes without any consequences.  Here's another 
approach, how about ignoring them? This is a tried and true approach 
that really works.
     Check back in a few days for part 2 and a few more tips.